It's been a year now, since daddy first went into the hospital. I don't think I've been this emotional in a long time. I found this site in my favorites and just reading through it made me remember the whole journey once again. I miss my dad so much. I'm in an astronomy class that he always wanted me to take. I have a new boyfriend that I love and want him to meet so badly. It hurts to think of how many people daddy will never have the chance to meet. Or, rather, the people who will never have the pleasure of meeting him. I still dream of him, but it worries me. I'm starting to forget what his eyes looked like. It's very hard for me. *sigh* I don't know anymore. I don't know where to put my feelings, so this seems as good a place as any. Thanks for listening, as usual.
have a great life. live it to the fullest. love as hard as you can. live every moment. don't regret a thing.
~~S~~
Monday, February 1, 2010
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Celebrating the life of: Matthew James
Please come if you can. All friends are welcome.
Date and Time:
Place: Hoyt Arboretum (Bill deWeese Classroom)
RSVP to
Phone: (707) 225-5925 –or- (209) 769-0273
Please bring photos to share!
Children 12 & up only for this occasion, please.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
RIP Matthew James
On March 27, 2009, the strongest man I've ever known lost his battle with cancer.
From the moment I first met him, I knew he was going to impact my life. I'm sure it scared the crap out of him, being called "daddy" when he'd only been dating my mom a few months... (I was a bit precocious) but he rose to the challenge, and changed my life forever.
Matthew James lives on in the hearts of the people he has touched. He was the most generous and down to earth person I knew. I hope that right now, he's sitting down to a giant buffet, eating to his heart's content.
I'm sorry I didn't update sooner. After a while, it just got too sad. There was very little hope, and I guess by putting it in words, it would have made it a reality. Well, regardless, reality struck, and I lost my daddy. I miss him every day, especially when I watch a movie that reminds me of him.
We collected his ashes last weekend, and now the box is sitting in his favorite place: On a bookshelf, with all of his musical instruments, sandwiched between Stephen King's The Stand, and an Oxford English Dictionary.
I've been told that I have a "very unique view on death," simply because I don't sit around moping all the time and crying. I do cry for him, and I do mope occasionally, but it isn't my life. I remember the good things, and try to let go of th bad.
We're planning a memorial for him on July 25th. It would have been his 40th birthday. It's going to be a huge party, and no one will be allowed to wear black. Instead of mourning his death, we'd like to celebrate his life. The life of a man who lived more in 39 years than most of us will in 90. I'll update again with details, as everyone who can make it is invited.
Signing off to go do more college applications,
~~S~~
From the moment I first met him, I knew he was going to impact my life. I'm sure it scared the crap out of him, being called "daddy" when he'd only been dating my mom a few months... (I was a bit precocious) but he rose to the challenge, and changed my life forever.
Matthew James lives on in the hearts of the people he has touched. He was the most generous and down to earth person I knew. I hope that right now, he's sitting down to a giant buffet, eating to his heart's content.
I'm sorry I didn't update sooner. After a while, it just got too sad. There was very little hope, and I guess by putting it in words, it would have made it a reality. Well, regardless, reality struck, and I lost my daddy. I miss him every day, especially when I watch a movie that reminds me of him.
We collected his ashes last weekend, and now the box is sitting in his favorite place: On a bookshelf, with all of his musical instruments, sandwiched between Stephen King's The Stand, and an Oxford English Dictionary.
I've been told that I have a "very unique view on death," simply because I don't sit around moping all the time and crying. I do cry for him, and I do mope occasionally, but it isn't my life. I remember the good things, and try to let go of th bad.
We're planning a memorial for him on July 25th. It would have been his 40th birthday. It's going to be a huge party, and no one will be allowed to wear black. Instead of mourning his death, we'd like to celebrate his life. The life of a man who lived more in 39 years than most of us will in 90. I'll update again with details, as everyone who can make it is invited.
Signing off to go do more college applications,
~~S~~
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Backstory on Daddy
As most everyone knows Matt has had Crohn's Disease since 1990. In August of 2008 we moved out of our home in Angwin to go for my first real RN job in Merced, CA.
Matt's health began to deteriorate as we were getting ready to move. Tired all the time etc. still he did the move almost single-handedly. Before we left the Napa Valley Matt requested a consult with a GI specialist at UCSF. In October 2008 we met with Dr. "T". After a colonoscopy in November in which the doctor discovered active Crohn's, Matt was recommended to try a drug called Humera. It is concidered a great treatment that might make him feel a great deal better. After fighting with insurance (it costs 8K for just 2 treatments!) I gave him the first treatment at home on 1/23/09. The next day he began spiking 103 fevers and having really bloody stools. After fighting with him for 2 days I finally took him to the ER at my hospital in Merced. The docs there were sure that it was a severe Crohn's flare. As it turns out the Humera causes a drop in the patients white blood count. After a week of increasingly strong antibiotics (that didn't work) he was still spiking the fevers and was sent to UCSF for possible bowel surgery. After being admitted to UCSF Mt. Zion hospital on 2/3/09, a really good accident happened, one of the doctors accidentally ordered a chest CT in addition to the abdominal we were expecting. The chest CT showed nodules in his lungs, liver and spleen so he was transferred to the "big" UCSF hospital for a bronchcoscopy. At that time, seeing how the antibiotics weren't working, they figured it to be a fungal infection and after a 3-day stint in isolation for possible TB (stupid!), the bronch showed nothing. A fine needle biopsy was done on a lymph node that had been slightly swollen in his grion near the suspected Crohn's flare area just to look at it. 2 days later we were given the news that the biopsy results showed cancer. More specifically Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. The lymph node was removed and cut up into a billion tiny pieces and a bone marrow biopsy was done as well. Looking back now so many signs of lymphoma were there....the swollen lymph node, the bed soaking night sweats, exhaustion not fixed by iron/blood infusions.
Thanks for the prayers and good thoughts!
Jennifer
Matt's health began to deteriorate as we were getting ready to move. Tired all the time etc. still he did the move almost single-handedly. Before we left the Napa Valley Matt requested a consult with a GI specialist at UCSF. In October 2008 we met with Dr. "T". After a colonoscopy in November in which the doctor discovered active Crohn's, Matt was recommended to try a drug called Humera. It is concidered a great treatment that might make him feel a great deal better. After fighting with insurance (it costs 8K for just 2 treatments!) I gave him the first treatment at home on 1/23/09. The next day he began spiking 103 fevers and having really bloody stools. After fighting with him for 2 days I finally took him to the ER at my hospital in Merced. The docs there were sure that it was a severe Crohn's flare. As it turns out the Humera causes a drop in the patients white blood count. After a week of increasingly strong antibiotics (that didn't work) he was still spiking the fevers and was sent to UCSF for possible bowel surgery. After being admitted to UCSF Mt. Zion hospital on 2/3/09, a really good accident happened, one of the doctors accidentally ordered a chest CT in addition to the abdominal we were expecting. The chest CT showed nodules in his lungs, liver and spleen so he was transferred to the "big" UCSF hospital for a bronchcoscopy. At that time, seeing how the antibiotics weren't working, they figured it to be a fungal infection and after a 3-day stint in isolation for possible TB (stupid!), the bronch showed nothing. A fine needle biopsy was done on a lymph node that had been slightly swollen in his grion near the suspected Crohn's flare area just to look at it. 2 days later we were given the news that the biopsy results showed cancer. More specifically Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. The lymph node was removed and cut up into a billion tiny pieces and a bone marrow biopsy was done as well. Looking back now so many signs of lymphoma were there....the swollen lymph node, the bed soaking night sweats, exhaustion not fixed by iron/blood infusions.
Thanks for the prayers and good thoughts!
Jennifer
Saturday, February 21, 2009
FINALLY!
Dad's been moved to the ICU to start the Chemo. Today, they just gave him a huge dose of Prednisone to "see what it does" to his stomach same is schedualed for tomorrow. It might actually bring down his fever, which he's had for 3 weeks. They're injecting in his brain and spine preventatively. They should have him on full doses by Tuesday, just doing trial doses for now, making sure they don't explode his bowels. Baby steps for now.
The R-CHOP Schedual:
P - today (trial dose)
P+C - tomorrow
H+O - Monday
R+CHOP - Tuesday (full doses)
By Tuesday, they should start him on the full Chemo. He's hoping to be home before Saturday, which is Alex's birthday. (and grandpa's! Hi grandpa!)
More updates as they happen!
~~S~~
The R-CHOP Schedual:
P - today (trial dose)
P+C - tomorrow
H+O - Monday
R+CHOP - Tuesday (full doses)
By Tuesday, they should start him on the full Chemo. He's hoping to be home before Saturday, which is Alex's birthday. (and grandpa's! Hi grandpa!)
More updates as they happen!
~~S~~
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
waiting
Dad's been put on hold once again. He SHOULD start R-CHOP chemo tomorrow afternoon, moving him to the 11th floor of the hospital.
This first part of treatment should take 3-5 days, and will be the most difficult of all the stages.
GOOD NEWS! there was no cancer found in his bone marrow, which should put him at a stage 3 instead of 4.
His groin node was biopsied, and he has diffuse large B-Cell Lymphoma. The stage has not been oficially determined.
more updates as they come!
~~S~~
This first part of treatment should take 3-5 days, and will be the most difficult of all the stages.
GOOD NEWS! there was no cancer found in his bone marrow, which should put him at a stage 3 instead of 4.
His groin node was biopsied, and he has diffuse large B-Cell Lymphoma. The stage has not been oficially determined.
more updates as they come!
~~S~~
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
One Day at a Time
Hey everyone! This is Sam, here to update you on Dad's most recent exploits.
He looks a lot better today, laughing and joking around. He broke his air bed last night! no one knows how, but it took them all day to even get a regular bed in here! Hopefully, they'll put in a new "fancy" bed sometime today or tomorrow. Dad's a little bummed they aren't starting the Chemo today after his episode yesterday, but we all understand. He's finally stable! They're supposed to start the Chemo at some point this week, if he remains so. Does anyone have ideas for a good Chemo Survival Kit? Matt's sense of humor is legendary and we're looking for new ways to keep his spirits up!
I'll have mom write up a summary of what happened before later tonight when she gets bored :)
Till later!
~~S~~
He looks a lot better today, laughing and joking around. He broke his air bed last night! no one knows how, but it took them all day to even get a regular bed in here! Hopefully, they'll put in a new "fancy" bed sometime today or tomorrow. Dad's a little bummed they aren't starting the Chemo today after his episode yesterday, but we all understand. He's finally stable! They're supposed to start the Chemo at some point this week, if he remains so. Does anyone have ideas for a good Chemo Survival Kit? Matt's sense of humor is legendary and we're looking for new ways to keep his spirits up!
I'll have mom write up a summary of what happened before later tonight when she gets bored :)
Till later!
~~S~~
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